Writing for myself

For the past 4.5 years I've written a blog, which was ended just today, under this same name on a site called Blogstream. I am not a socially adept person and so many of my writings have been about trying to understand the human race and to learn who I am. More than my heart struggles, I am adventurous and love to share my discoveries and joys through writing and photography. I yearn to tell the truth and am constantly trying to learn more eloquent ways to share it. More and more I am trying to bring faith and spirituality into the way that I approach and assimilate my surroundings. This blog is a continuation of my journey. A link to my old blog can be found on this page.

So, here it goes.

Yesterday, when I woke up there was no white noise filling my ears. The heat was off and they air outside was warm. Another gift during an unusually mild winter in North Idaho.

When I looked outside and saw the sun peeking into my morning and the cloudless sky, I nearly jumped for joy but my sore body stopped me short. Instead of putting fashion jeans on, the kind that show my weight loss, I pulled on long underwear and baggy jeans, some insulated tops and a sweatshirt. My muddy wet boots over insulated socks and drug out a couple of jackets, one heavy and one light. Another day to spend with the few eagles! A true gift.

I had no idea of how blue the sky would get or how much the eagles would glisten in the sunlight. The entire world looked better - brighter - and so much more fun to photograph. People, dogs, plants, everything was bright with newness. Nor did I anticipate taking off the heavy jacket, or the light jacket and finally the sweatshirt, or of getting the red glow of sun upon my cheeks. It was a holiday and people were out enjoying our spring day in mid winter. That is how it is here in North Idaho, the lights come on and people are outside for the duration. There is more health and fitness and more appreciation for nature than in any other place that I've lived.

I photographed eagles, dogs, people and the landscape. I sat on the rocks next to the lake and soaked in the sun. I smiled on the relaxed faces of people who passed by. And I about busted a little brat's butt when his rock whizzed close by my head before it landed in the lake. I heard his dad yelling so that was good enough.

Because of other obligations, I had to go in too soon and therefore pouted like a baby. Being grown up and responsible can be a real pain, despite its rewards.

In the morning someone spoke about how we are not powerless over anything, except substance addiction - adding that we aren't powerless over not having a job and many other challenges that come our way. I bristled and let her words eat my lunch. I am powerless over what she says and does because believe me, if it were in my power to do so, I would shut her big mouth. I mulled this over, too much, and it interfered with some of my joy. To heavy to put on my heart, I needed to let it go. By four or so, I was too tired to continue the day. That worries me some because I've never been one to get tired in the afternoon. This too shall pass.

I wonder, is there such a thing as a perfect day? A day when no one upsets us, we don't upset anyone, the weather is perfect, our health is perfect and there is only joy in our hearts? This makes me laugh for no, there is no such thing as perfection, only progress towards it. Last night my sleep was filled with more peace than anxiety and that makes for a near perfect day.