It all Tumbles Down

I had the strangest epiphany last night that at last everything will be okay. Not that I won't ever have struggles or disappointments again but that my depressive and poor me days are over with. And, that now I can take care of myself and no longer do I need to allow people to walk all over me. I also don't have to stand by while they attempt to ruin my life because their poor ego was hurt.

I am not responsible for the actions that other people take, the decisions that they make and the way that they live their lives. Some folks are good at playing the poor me, I'm such a victim game - they know the exact way to set up the delivery of their tales of woe and who to take them to. And people buy that crap and repeat the stories as if they were fact! I'd say that could be described as some mighty sick folk!

A man becomes his own worst enemy but he can not take responsibility for that because he is an intelligent and educated person and so he must blame someone else. There is a whole group of women who are jealous over this person and so they are the perfect ones to draw into his confidence. He only needs to start the story and the next thing you know, he is sitting back and watching the damage unfold but seemingly has nothing to do with it. In the meantime, in the dark quiet of some room he has made for himself, he follows through on his threats but nobody knows. A year passes by and he has moved on with his life, something that he did in very short order, but his anger still bubbles close to the surface. The object of his agony has worked hard to put her life back together and has come out of the ordeal a different and more healthy person. She smiles and jokes now. She has found a person inside of her that she likes and that many others do also. This does not set well with him and he must work harder to destroy her. How dare she go on with her life, like he has done with his. How dare her! How dare she be happy and earn the friendship and respect of all of these people that he sought to sever her from? Life is so unfair, still, to this individual.

Of course, he still has his little spies who let him know that she isn't suffering nearly enough. And, of course, they don't know the whole story - only his side - and we all know just how honest people can be during break-ups! Every once in awhile these messengers tell her that they want to know her side and she thinks that maybe she will tell them. And then she realizes that none of it was their business in the first place and if he wants to spin his tales, that is his business, but she doesn't have to do anything but live her own life.

His actions against her do make her life a little harder and she does get bitter from time to time, wondering when it will stop. And then she realizes that it won't stop until she stops it. Until she quits being a part of it. Until she quits letting someone else's actions ruin her day and the way that she treats the people that she loves. Her friends don't know what she is going through because she is selective about who she talks to, not wanting to spread gossip the way that he has. They can know that something is hard but they don't need the details and she doesn't need to shut them out because of the hurt inside of her. During this quest for renewal, she has discovered that there are many more wonderful people than there are nasty people who are unhappy in their lives and who have to try to destroy others.

At the end of a hard day, she puts her head down and realizes that she hadn't had to frown and be miserable over this newest hitch. She realized that the smile that she'd kept hidden away during her whole life was now a permanent part of her and that no one and no situation could take it away. She realized that now she would be okay. Still there were things that she needed to do, like taking herself out of dangerous situations where people are feeding the gossip tube, and so she would do so. Just recently, one of these people were asked to give her a message, which, instead of doing so, she filled them with the "facts" of her previous relationship - as she saw them or as she made them up. She wasn't there and could not have any firsthand knowledge, only the tales of a poor, hapless victim who is still crying about a childhood that was over much longer ago than she has been alive.

The woman, the horrorship of this man's life, has moved on and grown from the adversity. In the back of her mind she knows that there is still one threat out there, that he has not yet followed through with - the ultimate retribution - but she can only live today as if it were the best ever. She no longer has to live in fear and shame. She has taken back her power and it is another good day in the neighborhood.