At my desk, in front of the big picture window, I watched my tears fall from the Heavens and soak the dozens of small birds that filled the trees and ate at my feeders.
Small flecks of movement, tiny Pygmy Nuthatches, darting on the trunks and branches while starlings and grosbeak pecked and flapped their wings at each other and fought for the day's portion of seeds.
Grey skies and a grey heart. I denied myself what isn't mine to have and the warm feeling of sadness soaked into my soul. The loneliness threatened to overpower my self-esteem and the threads of maturity that are weaving their way into my character.
I can't always have what I want, even if it is handed to me, because it isn't always right. Will saying no bring something better my way? Who knows, it doesn't really matter...I have my respect, and so yes, it is already better.
As the sky began to clear, so did I. Sadness relieved by a sense of empowerment. The loneliness, it persists, but the days are filled with passion this new found love that I've found for myself.
The sun is out now and the sky is blue. The pain always leads to sunshine.
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