Where I've been and where I'm going

Wow! After an intense six months I'm breathing in some relief. It took a few minutes to ratchet down and to get some sleep before realizing that I've just completed a course at one college and a full load at another college. After more than ten years away from school and everything that my mind and body went through during that time, this feels like an accomplishment.


So much has happened - so much bridge under the water - and so much to learn from. Guess some of us are tougher to crack than others are and that I needed some pretty hard lessons to get here, and so that is okay. Though it wasn't at the time. It just seemed like I never had a chance, almost from birth, to be happy and that was the way it was supposed to be. Now I know that wasn't true and that it wasn't circumstances that held me back but fear, being stubborn and defeating myself. It was up to me to find the path and to stay on it, whether that was towards happiness, being a better person, being a better photographer or whatever. I'm the one who took myself off the road and put my future on the sidelines.


With a better understanding and the ability to accept responsibility came a whole new perspective on life. Happiness, freedom and fun that I never knew existed. Not that everything is rosy but that the good stuff far out ways the negative. We are supposed to laugh, cry and love - those are not weakness, they are assets. I don't know who I'll be doing those things with, or if I'll be doing it alone, it only matters that I do them on a daily basis.


When I'm feeling drawn back into the negative, I scratch and claw to bring myself back out into the light. Sometimes the clawing is slow and sometimes it is quick. I much prefer the smile... Too bad, though, that we never reach that level of perfection where we always do everything correctly. Too bad we slip back into old ways and habits...but that too is part of being human.




And so, I'm learning about how to be a better human. I'm learning about myself and the world around me. Truthfully, I don't know the end, only that the journey is ahead and that I'm putting one foot in front of the other.